[GTB]

On a completely unrelated note, im not sure who “Jennithepirate” is, but fucking hell that’s a cool domain name. YAAAR! Avast mateys, we got yer MP3s and Cracked software off the port bow! …that is all. -G

So ChrisB doubts my theory that polygons not only ruined video games, but also massacred thousands of jews during the holocaust and occasionally fuck small children. Well, of course he’s mistaken, but anyone who has played Warcraft3 right after playing Warcraft2 can tell you that. The reason is very simple. Like popular music, video games are now tailored to the lowest common denominator. The same people who think Fred Durst is cool also really really like polygons and lens flares and as many high quality particle effects in their video games as possible. And like all of Limp’s music, these games start off really great on the outside, and then go straight to shit when you realize that all they have is “outside.”

To put it bluntly: 90% of the work going into all video games since the mid-to-late 90s has been on the graphics-side of said games.

Re-read that statement real quick. I sound like im generalizing. Well, I am. But in this case, I think its true. Story, gameplay, hell, even the very basic concept of these games have taken not just a back seat, but a forth or fifth row seat to the graphics department. And I think it all started with the polygon. And the worst part is, its getting expodentially worse. I predict that in a few sadly short years, we’ll be buying games, installing them, marveling at the graphics for the hour or two it takes to beat the game, and then uninstalling them for the next one.

Cookie-cutter drivel, with no unique qualities or style, all rolled into a textured bump-mapped real-time-lit package, ready for you to consume like a fat guy with a twinky.

Recently, I purchased five games from Amazon.com…. Now, keep in mind, this is a big deal for me, because as a rule, I don’t buy software. Anyway, of the five games, only one of them is in any way recent. The others are all old games that I may or may not even get to run on my computer. But I know if I do, I’ll be able to spend hours playing them, because they’ll kick just as much ass as they did when I played em on my 486.

Now, ironically, my shiny 128meg video card is more of a detriment than anything else, as I try and coax my wonderful sprite-based games to work with it. I have to trick them into working, or run them through a dos emulator. The irony of my software tastes taking a backstep even as technology becomes expodentially more and more advanced is not lost on me, I promise. It doesn’t change anything though. Point of fact: new games just.. well… suck.

I used to look forward to going to the local game shop and spending hours pouring carefully over each product, knowing that this game was going to have to last me for the months it took to save up enough for another one with my meagre allowance. Now that I can actually (sort of) afford to buy games.. I find most of them to be laughably un-appealing. From warcraft 3 with its crappy cartoony graphics and equally shitty almost-an-rpg-but-not, almost-an-rts-but-not gameplay, to the hamster wheel simulation that is Dark Age of Camelot, who can blame me for aching for the days of Ultima and Wing Commander?

Those of you who have never played camelot may wonder what its like. Let me explain the process.

1. Pick a character class and race.

2. Look on-line for a website that details exactly how to play and train that class-race combination.

3. follow the instructions of the website to the letter, because NOT doing so means you have “gimped” your character.

4. Kill wandering EXP points in the shape of whatever random creature you wish until such a time as you achieve the next level, at which point you move on to the next one. This process repeats until you reach a level high enough to enter the PVP area of the game.

5. On the same site you got the guide to training your class-race combo will also be a list of what items you will need for your class-race combo. You will need to purchase or find these items, since the thousands of people who came before you all spent the time and effort to figure out exactly what items work the best with whatever class-race you are. NOT getting these specific items means you are “gimping” your character.

6. Journey out into the PVP area with all the rest of the “friendly-to-you” players, who all have exactly the same stats/items/skills as you. Don’t worry, they’ve all dyed THEIR items different colors, so even though they’re exactly the same as yours, its sort of like they’re not.

7. Run around until you either lag out or kill somebody else or get killed yourself.

8. Repeat this process until you have earned sufficient points to purchase realm abilities. Don’t worry, your class-race guide will have the best possible realm abilities listed too. Not choosing these specific abilities gimps your character. And yes, everyone else is doing exactly the same thing you are, so feel free to ask for help from some of the other cookie-cuttered individuals.

7. Continue playing in this manner until Mythic releases a new expansion, then buy it and make whatever changes to your inventory are required. Don’t worry, the hundreds of people who were in the beta test for the expansion already have updated the class-race guide, so any new items from the expansion that you will need for your class-race will be listed.

8. Have fun doing the same thing over and over until you shoot yourself. yay!

You know, as I re-read that.. I guess it works for all mmorpgs. Sad, that.

OH, storyline. Yeah, there is no storyline for camelot. Theres some accompanying text that occasionally flashes up on your screen that sort of sounds kind of fantasy-ish, but since theres no actual character interaction of any kind… ever… you won’t really need to worry about it. Just move on to the next walking EXP blob.

… Wow, i’ve managed to depress myself. Thats fun.

The point is, be sure to enjoy the graphic-engine updates. Because wow, they sure are neat.

But, back to my original point. For those of you who are totally confused, it’s that polygons ruined video games.

I suppose I should clearify: its not JUST polygons, its “graphic advancements” in general. Its just easy to say “polygons” since that’s where it all started.

And I should also say that I don’t mean there werent bad games BEFORE polygons, cause damn there were. But they were bad for different reasons.

As for mario, which chrisB brings up in his post, I pretty much loathed mario. I beat it, because everyone else did, but jesus what a gay fucking game. I tossed that out for castlevania and herzogzwie (no, that isn’t spelled right, but its german and that all sounds like klingon to me anyway) at the first opportunity. fucking plumbers for christsake.

The last game I was blown away by? Probably starcraft.

Ah.. and now those of you who are paying attention are scrolling up to see… yes indeed, I do mention how I hate warcraft 3 a lot, but I really liked starcraft?

I did. Sure, it built on the same premise as Wc2, command & Conquer, and all the other rts games that came before it, but Starcraft was the first of its kind to wrap it all up in an encredibly balanced easy-to-play package. I can’t find even one fault with starcraft, except that possibly the valkrie air unit is pretty much 100% worthless. And unlike its completely fucking goofy cousin, Starcraft never tried to make you believe you were playing some kind of lame rpg-in-an-rts game. Build the base, destroy the enemy, move the fuck on. It was glorious. No retarded heroes to worry about, no bizarrly low unit limit.

no. fucking. 3D. polygons.