I know I’m not the first person to jump on the I.H.T. bandwagon, and I know I won’t be the last, but I was “reading” Someone’s “Tweets” and it struck me how irritated I am with the very concept.

I am forced to read these things because it’s the cool new thing for all the kids who are too good for your grandpa’s social networking site, or even your dad’s newfangled internet gadget.

And why not? Twitter is perfect for the generation who grew up thinking Spongebob Squarepants is high entertainment. With such a short character count, only the most skilled user of “cel phn txtng” can possibly say anything more than instant personal updates on what kind of mood they’re in that minute. Or how much they love their friends’ “tweet” about their hair being awesome.

I hate it because I can’t shut my brain down long enough to reduce my thoughts to tiny blurbs. I’m just not capable of doing that. I’ve tried.

Sadly, I fail at “tweets.”

P.s. Every time I say or read the word “Tweet” it makes me cringe. Seriously. I turn my head to the right and scrunch up my eyes as if absorbing a blow to my face.

Whitewolf/Underworld Lawsuit Rebuttal
In response to White Wolf Publishing’s Lawsuit against Sony regarding the movie Underworld.

Note. This starts at #53, which is where the points started being made, as far as I could tell. Feel free to post this wherever you want. -Gawain
(http://www.gawaintheblind.com)

Additional Info (additions and corrections) provided by the friendly folks at Apotheon.Net (now defunct? -gtb)

#53 & #54:
PLAINTIFF
Underworld directly copies from Vampire: The masquerade, Werewolf: The Apocalypse, and White Wolf’s derivative works, including Collins’ Love of Monsters.
REBUTTAL
Vampire: The masquerade and White Wolf’s Derivative works copy directly from Anne Rice’s Numerous novels. Most notably, The series “The Vampire Chronicles”.

#55:
PLAINTIFF
In the World Of Darkness, vampires have the ability to disappear from view. In Underworld, vampires repeatedly vanish from view.
REBUTTAL
Bram Stoker’s “Dracula”:
“[Dracula] …can grow and become small, and he can at times vanish and come unknown.”

#56:
PLAINTIFF
In the World Of Darkness, some vampires are capable of amazing speed. In Underworld, some vampires move with amazing speed.
REBUTTAL
Bram Stoker’s “Dracula”:
“…and by thus using every projection and inequality move downwards with considerable speed, just as a lizard moves along a wall.” (Speaking of Dracula moving down a wall)

#57:
PLAINTIFF
In the World of Darkness, vampires “have the strength of ten men.” In Underworld, vampires “have the strength of ten men.”
REBUTTAL
Anne Rice’s “Vampire Lestat”:
“…As for my [Lestat's] strength, well, it was three times what it had once been. ”

Bram Stoker’s “Dracula”:
“…This vampire [Dracula] which is amongst us is of himself so strong in person as twenty men…”

#58:
PLAINTIFF
In The World of Darkness, vampires are divided by age distinctions, and older vampires are more powerful and are able to rule over younger vampires. In Underworld, vampires are divided by age distinctions, and older vampires are more powerful and are able to rule over younger vampires.
REBUTTAL
Anne Rice’s “Vampire Lestat”:
“…those were the vampires who walked the earth, tested, purified, Children of Darkness, born of a fledgling’s blood, never the full power of an ancient master, so that time would bring the wisdom to use the Dark Gifts before they grew truly strong…”

#59:
PLAINTIFF
In the world of darkness, the more ancient and powerful vampires are referred to as Elders. In Underworld, the more ancient and powerful vampires are referred to as Elders.
REBUTTAL
Anne Rice’s “Queen Of The Damned”:
“..Only one time later was I to see them, the Mother and the Father. Another thousand years had passed. The great burning had just happened when the Elder in Alexandria-as Lestat has told you-sought to destroy the Mother and the Father by placing them in the sun…”

Merriam-Webster Dictionary:
Main Entry: elder
Function: adjective
Etymology: Middle English, from Old English ieldra, comparative of eald old
Date: before 12th century
1 : of earlier birth or greater age
2 : of or relating to earlier times : FORMER
3 obsolete : of or relating to a more advanced time of life
4 : prior or superior in rank, office, or validity

#60:
PLAINTIFF
In the World Of Darkness, vampires, especially Elders, are able to go into a state where they do not rise as normal, but stay alive in an extended sleep or hibernation. In
Underworld, the elders are in a hibernation state where they do not rise as normal, but
stay alive in an extended sleep.
REBUTTAL
The first chapter of Anne Rice’s “The Vampire Lestat” deals extensively with Lestat being in a state of hibernation as the world continues around and above him. Specifically pages 2 and 3, which are too long to list here.

Likewise, “Queen Of The Damned” also from Anne Rice is based around a long dormant “queen” vampire that rises from a deep sleep of hundreds of years. Once again, it is far too extensive to list here.

#61:
PLAINTIFF
In the World of Darkness, vampires in extended sleep lose blood and become more withered and mummified, and return to normal as they feed. In Underworld, Viktor (A vampire Elder) awakens from an extended sleep appear withered and mummified, and returns to normal the more he feeds on blood.
REBUTTAL
Bram Stoker’s “Dracula”: (Dracula Appears Old in the beginning.)
“…Within, stood a tall old man, clean shaven save for a long white
moustache, and clad in black from head to foot, without a single speck
of colour about him anywhere…”

Bram Stoker’s “Dracula”: (Dracula Appears young after feeding.)
“…I believe it is the Count, but he has grown young. My God, if this
be so! Oh, my God! My God! If only I knew!”

#62
PLAINTIFF
In the World Of Darkness, a vampire in hibernation remains that way until a vampire provides them with blood. In Underworld, Selene (the main character) rouses Viktor from hibernation using her own blood, just as another Elder (Amelia) was supposed to do.
REBUTTAL
none. But it seems a logical step in waking up something that feeds on blood. Common sense.

#63:
PLAINTIFF
In the World of Darkness, even when in hibernation or when recently roused, elder vampires command a great deal of power and control. In Underworld, Viktor, the Elder vampire “radiates absolute power and control” even when recently roused.
REBUTTAL
In Anne Rice’s “Queen Of The Damned”, a vampire elder sends Lestat a vision while she is in a state of “hibernation” and also radiates power though she cannot move.

#64:
PLAINTIFF
In the World of Darkness, vampires are described as “alien.” In Underworld, vampires are described as “alien.”
REBUTTAL
Vampires ARE alien. You fags.

Merriam-Webster Dictionary:
Main Entry: alien
Pronunciation: ‘A-lE-&n, ‘Al-y&n
Function: adjective
Etymology: Middle English, from Middle French, from Latin alienus, from alius
Date: 14th century
1 a : belonging or relating to another person, place, or thing : STRANGE b : relating, belonging, or
owing allegiance to another country or government : FOREIGN
2 : differing in nature or character typically to the point of incompatibility

#65:
PLAINTIFF
In the World of Darkness, some vampire groups (“Sabbat”) refer to themselves as Covens, and divide into Old World and New World Covens. In Underworld, the vampires divide into Old World and New World Covens.
REBUTTAL
None. Covens are groups of witches, which I suppose are similar enough in vein to vampires that its not too big a stretch that both parties could come up with the same name to describe a group of them.

#66:
PLAINTIFF
In the World of Darkness, many North African or Middle Eastern vampires belong to a clan of assassins and warriors. (Called “Assamites”). In the Underworld movie trailer, Kahn, the leader of the Death Dealers, a group of assassins and warriors, appears to be of North African or Middle Eastern Descent.
REBUTTAL
The actor that plays Kahn, Robbie Gee, is a black man.

#67:
PLAINTIFF
In the World Of Darkness, vampires sometimes call each other “Vee,” short for vampire. In Underworld, there is a vampire character named Vee.
REBUTTAL
I don’t feel this even needs a response. Except perhaps to call you fags again.
Fags.

#68:
PLAINTIFF
In The World of Darkness, vampires are organized into Bloodlines. In Underworld, vampires are organized into bloodlines.
REBUTTAL
This is the first real issue so far. I believe that White Wolf is the first organization to
organize vampires into clanish bloodlines. [Edit: I am wrong. A reader brought Brian Lumley's Necroscope series of books to my attention, which involved vampires organizing along bloodlines.]

#69:
PLAINTIFF
In the World Of Darkness, vampire and werewolf societies hide their existence from human society (referred to as “The Masquerade”). In Underworld, human beings are unaware of the existence of vampire and werewolf societies.
REBUTTAL
In Bram Stoker’s “Dracula”, and all of Anne Rice’s “Vampire Chronicles”, Vampires hide their existence from humanity. (with the exception of “The Vampire Lestat” in which lestat shows himself to humans in the hopes of bringing the rest of the vampires out.)

#70:
PLAINTIFF
In the World Of Darkness, there is a power struggle between the Elder vampires and groups of younger vampires (referred to as “jihad”). In Underworld, there is a power struggle between the Elder vampires and groups of younger vampires.
REBUTTAL
Throughout Ann Rice’s “Vampire Chronicles”, younger vampires fight against the older more conservative vampires. In “Queen Of The Damned”, Lestat comes to battle with The queen of vampires.

#71:
PLAINTIFF
In the World of Darkness, the history of the vampires is written in an ancient text. In
Underworld, the history of the vampires is written in ancient texts.
REBUTTAL
What else would they be written in? New texts? Possibly a vampire website?

#72:
PLAINTIFF
In the World Of Darkness, vampires wrote their histories in an ancient alphabet
indecipherable to humans. In Underworld, “The ancient text is tiny, indecipherable,
not unlike alien chicken-scratch.”
REBUTTAL
I don’t believe this equates to the same thing.

#73:
PLAINTIFF
In the World of Darkness, vampires and werewolves have been at war for as long as any of them can remember. In Underworld, vampires and werewolves have been at war for over 1,000 years.
REBUTTAL
Is this as long as they can remember? Once again, these do not equate to the same thing. Similar to “forever” and “sort of a long time”

#74:
PLAINTIFF
In The World of Darkness, werewolves and vampires are depicted as natural enemies. In Underworld, werewolves and vampires are depicted as natural enemies.
REBUTTAL
I have no response here, except that following the romeo/juliet theme, each side must be enemies for the story to work. The fact that they are mythological creatures has no bearing.

#75:
PLAINTIFF
In the World of Darkness, Lucita, a female vampire, is an excellent assassin and warrior – “a one-woman death squad.” in Underworld, Selene, a female vampire, is an excellent assassin and warrior – “a master death dealer.”
REBUTTAL
In the movie “Blade 2″ a female vampire kicked a lot of ass. Are the makers of “Blade 2″
going to get sued also? Are girls unable to kick ass without paying money to whitewolf?

#76:
PLAINTIFF
In the World of Darkness, Lucita is rebellious and headstrong, and this leads to a growing schism between her and her powerful sire. In Underworld, Selene is rebellious and headstrong and this leads to a growing schism between her and her powerful sire.
REBUTTAL
As seen in romeo and juliet.

#77:
PLAINTIFF
In the world of Darkness, the vampires are ruled by a governing body. In Underworld, the vampires are ruled by a governing body.
REBUTTAL
Shriners, Japan, and the crew of “The Enterprise” are ruled by a governing body. You fags.

#78:
PLAINTIFF
In the World of Darkness, there is a paramilitary group of vampires, the “Black Hand” who protect the other vampires and fight the werewolf threat. In Underworld, there is a paramilitary group of vampires, the Death Dealers, who protect other vampires and fight the werewolf threat.
REBUTTAL
We have established that vampires and werewolves exist. We established that they don’t like each other. I don’t think this needs to be clearified again. The fact that there is a group to fight them seems to be a given. In actuality, the black hand has nothing to do with werewolves, and everything to do with killing other vampires. This is a blatant lie on the part of whitewolf, based on their own material.

#79:
PLAINTIFF
In the World of Darkness, a werewolf/vampire hybrid is called an “Abomination.” In underworld, a werewolf/vampire hybrid is called an “Abomination.”
REBUTTAL
This is the second valid point Whitewolf has made. Out of 79 so far. Im not sure what else they would be called though. “Bad Person” or possibly “Werepire?”

#80:
PLAINTIFF
In the World of Darkness, most werewolf/vampire hybrids do not survive the transformation; they die in the process. In underworld, no werewolf/vampire hybrid before Michael ever survived.
REBUTTAL
They seemed to have made a rebuttal to their own point here.

#81:
PLAINTIFF
In the World of Darkness, certain vampires are able to get pregnant. In Underworld, at least one vampire is able to get pregnant.
REBUTTAL
Once again, Certain Vampires do not equal One Vampire. A group vs one.

#82:
PLAINTIFF
In the World of Darkness, werewolves are able to remember scenes from the lives of their ancestors. In underworld, werewolves are able to remember scenes from the lives of their ancestors (genetic memory).
REBUTTAL
Certain animals are supposed to posess this trait also. I don’t see why Underworld couldn’t have come up with this on their own.

#83:
PLAINTIFF
In The World Of Darkness, werewolves and vampires fight with human weapons, such as pistols and knives. In Underworld, werewolves and vampires fight with human weapons, such as pistols and knives.
REBUTTAL
Rather than… say.. flinging feces? It is assumed that both of these creatures were once human, why wouldn’t they fight with weapons they are familiar with?

#84:
PLAINTIFF
In the World of Darkness, the vampires created Silver Nitrate bullets specifically for
fighting werewolves. In Underworld, the vampires created silver Nitrate bullets specifically for fighting werewolves.
REBUTTAL
Id say you both owe the creators of the original “blade” comic some money. Also, if you want to go back even further, the movie “The Howling” showed werewolves being killed with silver nitrate bullets.

#85:
PLAINTIFF
In the World of Darkness, the background setting is very dark, described as gothic/punk. In Underworld, the background setting is very dark, with a combination of gothic and punk attire, settings and people.
REBUTTAL
See “The Crow”, “Nine Inch Nails”, “Spawn”, and every Anne Rice book ever written.

#86:
PLAINTIFF
In the World of Darkness, there exists a clan of aristocratic, ruling vampires (known as
“Ventrue”). In Underworld, the ruling vampires are aristocratic, from noble houses, living in an elegant Victorian mansion.
REBUTTAL
Ruling nobles live in mansions. Also, In the World of Darkness, more than one clan retains this state of living, (the Ventrue, the Toreador, and the Cappadocians are often seen in magnificent settings, castles and whatnot) whereas in Underworld, its “ruling vampires” in general, not by clan.

#87:
PLAINTIFF
In the World of Darkness, there exists a clan of vampires who are only concerned with
beauty – sensualists who search for pleasure (known as “Toreador”). In Underworld, there are vampires who are concerned with beauty – Sensualists who search for pleasure.
REBUTTAL
Many (if not all) vampires in Anne Rice and Poppy Z. Brite novels are “sensual creatures” who seem to be sex-starved peasure freaks. This is nothing new, certainly not from Whitewolf, proud sponsors of all things faggy and gothie.

#88:
PLAINTIFF
In the World of Darkness, multiple types of vampires in different clans interact with each other under one leader. In Underworld, multiple types of vampires interact with each other under one leader.
REBUTTAL
In the United States, many different types of people interact with each other under one leader. This is nothing new. See “cooperation”.

#89:
PLAINTIFF
In the World of Darkness, vampires cast reflections. In Underworld, vampires cast reflections.
REBUTTAL
If sony owes White Wolf money, than White Wolf owes Stephen King money. In the book “‘Salems Lot” vampires cast reflections.

#90:
PLAINTIFF
In the World of Darkness, wood does not kill vampires. In Underworld, the werewolves do not use wood to kill vampires, nor mention it as an option.
REBUTTAL
Which sounds to be like they’re trying to be original by not using the tried-and-true stake through the heart bit from Bram Stoker’s “Dracula”. White Wolf does NOT mention that they DID borrow from “Dracula”, since a stake through the heart DOES immobilize a vampire in the World of Darkness.

#91:
PLAINTIFF
In the World of Darkness, most vampires cannot change into other shapes, like bats or mist, unless they are very old and powerful. In Underworld, no vampires change into other forms, but the last remaining Elder is hanging upside down in his crypt and is described as bat-like.
REBUTTAL
I don’t see an issue here. He doesn’t turn into anything. Also see Stephen King’s “‘Salems Lot” for more vampires that don’t turn into anything. Also see all of Anne Rice’s Books. Also, see “The Lost Boys,” in which the vampires hang upside down but do not change into anything.

#92:
PLAINTIFF
In the World of Darkness, a vampire turns a non-vampire into a vampire by “embracing” his victim. In Underworld, Selene turns Michael into a vampire by “embracing” him.
REBUTTAL
Anne Rice’s “Vampire Lestat”: (Speaking of “the embrace”)
“…What can we do but reach for the embrace that must now
contain both heaven and hell: our doom again and again and again…”

#93:
PLAINTIFF
In the World of Darkness, a vampire can “embrace” a werewolf. In Underworld, Selene embraces Michael (A werewolf)
REBUTTAL
Again I don’t see the problem. Why couldn’t they? Who says a vampire can’t “embrace” a werewolf?

#94:
PLAINTIFF
In the World of Darkness, when a werewolf is embraced (Assuming he survives), an Abomination is created who can dominate all non-abomination characters with his power and versatility. In Underworld, by embracing Michael, Selene creates an Abomination who dominates all Non-Abomination characters in the movie with his power and versatility.
REBUTTAL
Because… hes.. a werewolf… and a vampire. Of course he has the powers of both. Again, I would think this is an obvious idea. See “Bo Jackson”

#95:
PLAINTIFF
In the world of Darkness, werewolves and vampires can injure or kill each other with their teeth and claws. In Underworld, werewolves and vampires can injure or kill each other with their teeth and claws.
REBUTTAL
And also with the human weapons we mentioned earlier I guess? I don’t know about you fags at whitewolf HQ, but wolves can sure as shit hurt ME with teeth and claws. I suppose if vampires were real they could hurt me too. Why not each other?

#96:
PLAINTIFF
In the World of Darkness, werewolves are able to change their form at will (i.e. not just during a full moon). In Underworld, werewolves are able to change their form at will (i.e. not just during a full moon)
REBUTTAL
There have been dozens of movies in which shapeshifters can change at will, once again we’re not covering any new ground, especially by whitewolf. Except of course, in the realm of being fags. In this particular skill, whitewolf covers more ground than anyone.

#97:
PLAINTIFF
In the World of Darkness, silver weapons harm werewolves. In Underworld, silver weapons harm werewolves.

REBUTTAL
Once again everyone owes money to Stephen King, in this case, the short story “silver bullet” in which, yes indeed, silver harms werewolves. Also, everyone should recall that silver hurting werewolves is part of a legend that dates back to fucking dinosaurs.

#98:
PLAINTIFF
In The World of Darkness, Werewolves do battle in their half-wolf/half-man form. In Underworld, werewolves do battle in their half-wolf/half-man form.
REBUTTAL
See “Silver Bullet”, “Buffy the Vampire Slayer”, “Wolfen”, goddamn MANIMAL for christsake.

#99:
PLAINTIFF
In the World of Darkness, the Wolf-man form is considerably bigger than the werewolf’s human form. In Underworld, the wolf-man form is considerably bigger than the werewolf’s human form.
REBUTTAL
See #98.

#100-116 seem to deal with the book “The Love of Monsters” which I have never read, but which appears to be a direct rip of “Romeo & Juliet” by Shakespeare. Likewise, all of the statements here generally tie into that book as well, with the exception of # 116:

#116:
PLAINTIFF
In “The Love of Monsters”, vampires are referred to as “bloods”. In “Underworld,” werewolves refer to vampires as “bloods.”
REBUTTAL
In the movie “Blade” as well as “Buffy the Vampire Slayer” vampires are referred to as
“blood suckers” which seems to be about the same thing.

SHIRT! HAT! MUG! BLAMMO!

This will be the first summer since the tragic yet inevitable end of my decade-long marriage, and I find that without any sort of external/internal influence, i’ve become even more of a neck-bearded shut-in than I was before. Soon I’ll be going on and on about my awesome new anime collectibles and how much I love “Bones” (warning: this link is what happens when retards watch tv) at which point I would really appreciate it if somebody would make the effort to bash in my skull with a hammer of the ball-pene variety.

I’m due for the layoff in the next few weeks, and it will likely be for 5 months or so. Which is no big deal since I can get unemployment (unless something bad happens) so i’m looking at it like a big ol’ vacation from my job, which was already sort of a vacation from reality.

I plan on writing some more in both the book I enjoy writing, and the book I am writing to make money off of soccer moms and fifteen-year olds. I plan on swimming more, if i can swing a membership to one of the local cee-ment ponds. Depends on how unemployment goes, I guess.

Anyone else got any ideas? I’m thinking about taking a trip over to Illinois to visit Turk and sponge on his beer and bandwidth for a while. HAR!

1. Huh, well it’s got the guy from Deadwood, and he kicks ass. So it can’t be terrible.
2. Holy shit, this is really high quality. Is this really on NBC?
3. Wow, biblical references and courtly intrigue!
4. Man, The dude from Deadwood has a hot daughter.
5. The special effects on this show are amazing. I can’t believe NBC greenlighted this budget.
6. Wow, that was a great episode. I need to watch them all!
8. This show is too good to be on NBC. They are clearly going to cancel it.

I started introducing the show to my friends as “Kings, its a great show in which biblical allegories are modified to fit a modern world, and in which the supernatural, specifically the belief in the divine right to rule, are actually real, and demonstrated pretty obviously. It will probably be canceled soon since NBC only plays shit. I expect it to be replaced by another reality television show starring David Hasselhoff as a judge of some kind.”

I may not have been exactly right on the replacement show – hey, i’m no prophet. But I was spot on with the cancellation. NBC has failed to order another season, which means that the show is basically dead. Color me shocked.

There are a bunch of petitions floating around on the net to save it, but ultimately they won’t do any good. It was likely too expensive for NBC’s execs, too intelligent for NBC’s typical viewers, and sadly did not feature celebrity judge David Hasselhoff at all, which can only be a major flaw in the eyes of American Television.

Happily, for those of you who enjoy terrible shows, “Heroes” will be returning. There must be a lot of you brain dead fucks, because the goddamn show won’t die. I’ve tried several times to watch it, and each time i’m once again blown away by how god awful bad it is. I want to like it, I do. Just like I wanted to like Battlestar Galactica. I am a fan of both superheroes and Space ships. Sadly, I can’t shut my brain down long enough to immerse myself in either of them.